Chapter 3.1
My relationship with the members had been poor for a long time. Except for the youngest, Go Ha Ram, all of them had been cold toward me since our third year.
It wasnât surprising. After all, I sparked a series of attitude controversies during that time. For the other members, following a problematic leader like me with a smile wouldâve been abnormal.
Whenever trouble arose, I never had a chance to clean it up as a leader. Itâs not that I stood by idlyâI just didnât see why I should have to babysit grown adults. How could I possibly control men who drank, smoked, dated, and even got married? I wasnât their parent.
Still, as long as we pretended to get along during our group content shoots, fans would eagerly squeeze every drop of perceived chemistry between us.
Why should I even bother trying when they handle it for me?
The longer I spent in this industry, the more I thought this way. Even if I said, âAh,â fans would interpret it as âOhâ however they liked. In reality, I wasnât close with anyone, but after performing on stage together, fans would gush about things like âDinosaur and Snake have the best chemistry, as expected!â âLooks like JH and YJ are definitely dating!â and âă ă ReMax truly shows how the leader raised the youngest like family!â
I got paid, and they got something to fawn over. Fans werenât in love with the real Sun Ye Jinâthey loved the fabricated Sun Ye Jin theyâd created in their minds.
As long as I was careful with appearances, why should it matter what I was really like? No matter what terrible things I did, thereâd always be people who still liked me. And no matter how good my intentions, thereâd always be people who misunderstood.
So yeah, I started half-assing things. I admit that.
Responding to fans with nothing but âOh, really?â at a signing event? That was on me. Spouting nonsense on Bogle, our fan channel? Probably my fault too. After 12 years, the managers stopped monitoring my posts, so I said whatever popped into my head.
But sending a truck to the agencyâs building because of it? Thatâs too much.
[âYe Jin, stop being pathetic and just leave.â]
[âAre you happy feeding wrecking accounts with content?â]
[âApologize for stirring up disbandment rumors.â]
[âGet rid of the dead fish eyes.â]
[âSupport Reverb as a six-member group after Sun Ye Jin leaves.â]
[âReverb is no longer a nine-member group to me.â]
Every balloon on that truck was emblazoned with a demand for me to leave.
In three months, my contract with R&M would expire, and I planned to sign with a smaller agency. In that sense, the fansâ wishes would soon come true.
Still, even knowing Iâd be leaving, seeing a protest truck outside the agency felt ridiculous. Who even started the trend of these truck protests? At this point, it seemed like a masterpiece of the transport industryâs creative economy.
A culture where fans broadcast their favorite idolsâ mistakes to the worldâitâs absurd. I havenât committed any crimes, yet people make such a fuss. If they spent that money on good food or other hobbies, both the fans and I would be happier.
Itâs laughable how the same people who used to defend me no matter what I saidâwho encouraged me with âOur Ye Jin can do whatever he wants!â, supported me when all I said was nonsense or âOh, really?â âcould turn on me so easily after being with us for 8 years.
You said youâd love us forever? Give me a break. The moment a newer idol group debuts, they leave us like migratory birds.Â
If fans can betray us, why canât we betray them?
Were you joking when you said you loved me first? If I said that out loud, though, a few more trucks would probably show up in front of the agency.
Everything is about making money, so itâs absurd to portray “idol” as some kind of noble profession in this harsh capitalist world. No one tells office workers to rediscover their passion for their jobsâŠ
âHyung, did you see the truck outside the building?â
Go Ha Ram approached me casually as I leaned against the windowsill.
The youngest member, who used to capture the hearts of older female fans with his cute, small-animal persona at fifteen, was now nearing the age of military enlistment. Heâd grown taller, losing some of that cuteness, but Go Ha Ram was still the only member in the group I genuinely cared for.
âThe truck? Yeah, I saw it. Itâs not like itâs the first time.â
âThis time, it seems more serious. Theyâre saying you hinted at solo activities on Bogle while throwing shade at the other members.â
âWell, Iâve only got three months left on my contract anyway.â
âAre you really going to leave the group completely? The fans still want Reverb to stay together.â
âWhatâs the point of keeping a group thatâs already fallen apart?â